i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
