Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize