Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
