It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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