i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize