The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
