Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
