Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
