You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
NoShamevember. You game?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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