I wish I could teleport
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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