Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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