John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
