I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
