Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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