I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
