You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
