If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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