after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My life is pants optional.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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