I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
