Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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