he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
