Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
