I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
