I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
