there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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