i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
