Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
