Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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