TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
