nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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