It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
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Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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