Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
