i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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