It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
