Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize