It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
