I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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