sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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