Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
