Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
