he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
