Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
