so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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