Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
