HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
