; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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