he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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