No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
