Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
