i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
