That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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