Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
