So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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