3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
a search helicopter?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
