So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
