Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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