they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
