he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
