So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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