I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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