Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
