He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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