I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
