ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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