I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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