I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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