Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
