Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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