The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
