I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
