How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize