fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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