Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
