We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
