Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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