I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
