My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
