Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
