I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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