She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
