I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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