Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
