i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
