that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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