it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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