I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
