I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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