I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
