apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
